When I made friendship with Nirupaksha

Just sitting idle these days as others think about me, but I know that this is the real time I am spending for my own self. Time runs so fast and I think I have left myself somewhere in my college days. How beautiful were those days full of enjoyments and attractions. I very well remember one of my friends whose life was in danger because of this swinging of mind.

I remember the very first day when I had seen a crying soul in her. Though we were in the same batch, we were friends of just hi and bye. I could not think that this is the same girl (her name was Nirupaksha) who makes fun of others and makes people laugh. And so much grief and pain was waving inside unstopped.

One day when after commencing our lectures everyone had left the class as usual, I was also rushing towards the bus stop to catch my bus to reach my hostel. Then suddenly I remembered that I have left one of my text book on my desk itself. So, I returned to my classroom by running and I heard some sobbing sound. A girl was crying sitting on the backbench. It was none other that Nirupaksha, Niru as we used to call her. I was for moment shocked to see that. I had seen almost all the students being tensed or grumbling sometime or the other, but had not seen Niru tensed or sad even once. Though she was not close to me but we were in the same batch from past two years.  I was in dilemma whether to ask her the reason of her crying or rush towards the bus stop to catch my bus else I would have to wait for another one hour to get the next direct bus to my hostel. I then decided to devote one day for Niru.

I went to her and asked why she was crying. She suddenly raised her head from the desk, wiped her eyes and face and said “No, No, I am fine. Just remembering my mother, so tears rolled down my eyes.” But her eyes was pointing that there was something serious in her life and she did not want to share with me.

In next part, I will mention her story and how she got saved from the trauma which most of us face during this stage.

A Great Talk to Myself

Have you ever thought of talking to your self?? We are always engaged in talking to others. Most of us are scared being alone, in fact during holidays when we have plenty of time, we engage ourselves in some or the other work, talking to friends, reading books or newspaper, or watching TV. We never want to sit alone and watch our thoughts. It is also said that empty mind is evil’s abode. How strange is this?? When I do not like to be in my own company, when myself do not like my behavior, how can I expect others to enjoy my company, like my behavior and obey me..This is an important question of my life.

When I lose something, I am waiting for something to gain in future and always engage myself thinking about that. Suppose if I achieve that thing in future..will I be happy?? For few days..yes I will be in ecstasy but again my mind will cling on to some other thing in future. I will again start planning to gain that and will engage my mind in  that direction…This process continues endlessly…I am never satisfied with whatever I have at present. The life has never stopped it is flowing continuously like river and one day my journey will end. Then when will I be happy?? Do you think I will be able to find the answer??

Aftermath of my second delivery…

How does this human mind work? After I lost my child, I have been into deep contemplation about my life and its purpose. There are many kinds of thoughts that are waving in this mind. Sometimes I regret my past that if I would have done this, if I would have done that.. I could have saved my child. But again, the next moment I think, how could have I done that…since that time I did not know, I did my best at that time. Took care of myself, my food, my rest, and many other things.

As per my knowledge, I did everything carefully, then why this happened to me.  The next moment I think that nothing is there in this world that belongs to me, I did not bring anything with me at the time of my birth. All relationships are created in this world and when I will die, I will not take anything with me. Even this body will not accompany me. Then why to think so much about this incidence and why to regret about past.

People who meet me and talk to me about this incidence, they all have different opinions about this. Some make me relaxed, while some others make me to think about that tragedy. Three weeks are over and I am taking rest at home. I listen to Poojya Sri Sri Ravishankarji’s talk and Osho’s discourses and getting recharged to continue my life.

Whatever happens,  happens for good. The time and experience which I am enjoying now, I never had before in my life. This is the first time that I am totally free from any activities except listening to talks and discourses and based on that thinking about my life, my mind and my life’s purpose.  How strange it is. I know that I am in a well and want to experience the life outside this well, still am enjoying being in well. HA HA…this is the biggest surprise of my life. I myself have created this boundary, in fact there is no boundary at all. How to break this boundary, is a big question. It is very difficult, but not impossible. One in crore dares to break this inhibition, and can do so by self practice and sadhana.

Tribute to my ex-child continues..

Compared to my first pregnancy, I was very much active during my second pregnancy. I was working as usual, there was no problem, no difficulty in executing any of my daily work, except for taking my three and half year old daughter outside for play. It is truly said that children are usually more attached to their mothers. Though mother has comparatively more responsibilities than father, she does spend much time with her children. Also, yoga and meditation has helped me in bringing deep relationship between me and my daughter.

I had mentioned about developing toxemia during my second pregnancy in my first part. Yeah, during my urine test, doctor has told me that I had albumin in my urine hence in the next visit repeated urine test would be required. But, during the next visit, she examined me and did not suggest going for urine test again. I think my problem would have got worse by that time and doctor was unable to observe that. But, I was happy that everything was going fine. This was my eighth month last week. But, as soon as I entered into ninth month, that incidence happened (I gave stillbirth to my angel). Although everything happens out of God’s will, but He makes someone responsible for any tragedy.  In my case, it is the doctor who was unable to diagnose the problem.  In pain we went to the hospital and we returned home with empty hands taking more pain. No one can feel this pain except those who have undergone this tragedy themselves.

Anyways, I am happy about  that this pregnancy was enjoyable and I could not feel how the time passed. So many yoga and meditation courses happened here besides a satsang and a Rudra pooja. These all events were possible because of that angel only. Me and my husband were surprised that how these many events were happening in such a successful way. I salute to that Goddess who chose me as her abode for eight months and wish her freedom from this samsara. I know that this time will pass and happy moments will come again but still there will be some space in my memory reserved for this beautiful angel.

Tribute to my ex-child

On 30^th of August 2010, I have lost my second daughter. My ninth month was running and I got severe pain during evening that day. By the time we reached hospital, she was declared dead. Do not know where we went wrong ): Now we just accept that it was our destiny and by any means she was not meant for us. It was God’s desire and it happened for our good…blah blah.

Being an Art of Living teacher, I have taken many preliminary courses here in our locality and because of this many people know about us. Miscarriages are common but because of Art of Living many people visit our house and console us on our loss. Now I am just taking bed rest though I am perfectly OK. It is all Guru’s grace that I have been saved and I am recovering soon.  I had developed toxemia during my pregnacy that can  be fatal for both mother and child if not cured. The doctor could not diagnose it earlier, and I came to know about this only after the incidence. Now, this is just in my memory. But the only thing I would suggest my readers to be very cautious and consult only reliable doctors.

Guru’s knowledge has become a strong sword for me and in even this critical situation I feel as if I am just the observer. This incidence has made me stronger and deeper. The knowledge points that are taught in Art of Living classes are awesome and I am diving deep into those knowledge points.

This path of knowledge is not for coward but for brave and courageous people. People who are committed, truthful, honest, and humans in the real sense, only those can walk on this path. It depends on the percentage of these virtues present in one, that one continues this path. Becoming a millionaire is not a big deal, but continuing this path till one reaches one’s death or goal is of course the greatest achievement in this world.    

In the next part, I will share my great experience with this child.

Returning from deathlike situation revisited

Woke up in the morning as usual, but this was the unique day for me. I had never experienced such pain before. I did not know whether to rejoice or cry. Approached my mother-in-law and disclosed everything to her. She too was bit tensed and said ’Lets visit hospital’. I asked my husband to play some mantra cassette in the DVD player. I sat there with my eyes closed and was listening to Gayatri mantra that gave me bit relaxation.

Returning from deathlike situation

Lying on the bed, was crying and yelling after every one hour when my pain used to get intense.  The pain was so severe that I felt at every peak time that the next moment I will be dead.

Trip to Basara

I am thrilled to share my experiences today regarding the trip to Basara, which was meant for my daughter’s Aksharabhyasam. I had heard about Basara earlier from my husband so many times that many of his colleagues went there for their kids Aksharabhyasam. This ritual is believed to be a very good initiation for children education.

Prayer

Shri Ganeshaya Namah!

Yaa Kundendu tushaara haara-dhavalaa,

Yaa shubhra-vastra’avritha

Yaa veena-vara-danda-manditakara,

Yaa shwetha padma’asana

Yaa brahma’achyutha shankara prabhritibhir Devai-sadaa Vanditha

Saa Maam Paatu Saraswati Bhagavatee Nihshesha jaadyaa-pahaa.

“May Goddess Saraswati, who is fair like the jasmine-colored moon, and whose pure white garland is like frosty dew drops; who is adorned in radiant white attire, on whose beautiful arm rests the veena, and whose throne is a white lotus; who is surrounded and respected by the Gods, protect me. May you fully remove my lethargy, sluggishness, and ignorance.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saraswati_Vandana_Mantra