I remember the very first day when I had seen a crying soul in her. Though we were in the same batch, we were friends of just hi and bye. I could not think that this is the same girl (her name was Nirupaksha) who makes fun of others and makes people laugh. And so much grief and pain was waving inside unstopped.

One day when after commencing our lectures everyone had left the class as usual, I was also rushing towards the bus stop to catch my bus to reach my hostel. Then suddenly I remembered that I have left one of my text book on my desk itself. So, I returned to my classroom by running and I heard some sobbing sound. A girl was crying sitting on the backbench. It was none other that Nirupaksha, Niru as we used to call her. I was for moment shocked to see that. I had seen almost all the students being tensed or grumbling sometime or the other, but had not seen Niru tensed or sad even once. Though she was not close to me but we were in the same batch from past two years.  I was in dilemma whether to ask her the reason of her crying or rush towards the bus stop to catch my bus else I would have to wait for another one hour to get the next direct bus to my hostel. I then decided to devote one day for Niru.

I went to her and asked why she was crying. She suddenly raised her head from the desk, wiped her eyes and face and said “No, No, I am fine. Just remembering my mother, so tears rolled down my eyes.” But her eyes was pointing that there was something serious in her life and she did not want to share with me.

In next part, I will mention her story and how she got saved from the trauma which most of us face during this stage.

When I lose something, I am waiting for something to gain in future and always engage myself thinking about that. Suppose if I achieve that thing in future..will I be happy?? For few days..yes I will be in ecstasy but again my mind will cling on to some other thing in future. I will again start planning to gain that and will engage my mind in  that direction…This process continues endlessly…I am never satisfied with whatever I have at present. The life has never stopped it is flowing continuously like river and one day my journey will end. Then when will I be happy?? Do you think I will be able to find the answer??

As per my knowledge, I did everything carefully, then why this happened to me.  The next moment I think that nothing is there in this world that belongs to me, I did not bring anything with me at the time of my birth. All relationships are created in this world and when I will die, I will not take anything with me. Even this body will not accompany me. Then why to think so much about this incidence and why to regret about past.

People who meet me and talk to me about this incidence, they all have different opinions about this. Some make me relaxed, while some others make me to think about that tragedy. Three weeks are over and I am taking rest at home. I listen to Poojya Sri Sri Ravishankarji’s talk and Osho’s discourses and getting recharged to continue my life.

Whatever happens,  happens for good. The time and experience which I am enjoying now, I never had before in my life. This is the first time that I am totally free from any activities except listening to talks and discourses and based on that thinking about my life, my mind and my life’s purpose.  How strange it is. I know that I am in a well and want to experience the life outside this well, still am enjoying being in well. HA HA…this is the biggest surprise of my life. I myself have created this boundary, in fact there is no boundary at all. How to break this boundary, is a big question. It is very difficult, but not impossible. One in crore dares to break this inhibition, and can do so by self practice and sadhana.

I had mentioned about developing toxemia during my second pregnancy in my first part. Yeah, during my urine test, doctor has told me that I had albumin in my urine hence in the next visit repeated urine test would be required. But, during the next visit, she examined me and did not suggest going for urine test again. I think my problem would have got worse by that time and doctor was unable to observe that. But, I was happy that everything was going fine. This was my eighth month last week. But, as soon as I entered into ninth month, that incidence happened (I gave stillbirth to my angel). Although everything happens out of God’s will, but He makes someone responsible for any tragedy.  In my case, it is the doctor who was unable to diagnose the problem.  In pain we went to the hospital and we returned home with empty hands taking more pain. No one can feel this pain except those who have undergone this tragedy themselves.

Anyways, I am happy about  that this pregnancy was enjoyable and I could not feel how the time passed. So many yoga and meditation courses happened here besides a satsang and a Rudra pooja. These all events were possible because of that angel only. Me and my husband were surprised that how these many events were happening in such a successful way. I salute to that Goddess who chose me as her abode for eight months and wish her freedom from this samsara. I know that this time will pass and happy moments will come again but still there will be some space in my memory reserved for this beautiful angel.

Being an Art of Living teacher, I have taken many preliminary courses here in our locality and because of this many people know about us. Miscarriages are common but because of Art of Living many people visit our house and console us on our loss. Now I am just taking bed rest though I am perfectly OK. It is all Guru’s grace that I have been saved and I am recovering soon.  I had developed toxemia during my pregnacy that can  be fatal for both mother and child if not cured. The doctor could not diagnose it earlier, and I came to know about this only after the incidence. Now, this is just in my memory. But the only thing I would suggest my readers to be very cautious and consult only reliable doctors.

Guru’s knowledge has become a strong sword for me and in even this critical situation I feel as if I am just the observer. This incidence has made me stronger and deeper. The knowledge points that are taught in Art of Living classes are awesome and I am diving deep into those knowledge points.

This path of knowledge is not for coward but for brave and courageous people. People who are committed, truthful, honest, and humans in the real sense, only those can walk on this path. It depends on the percentage of these virtues present in one, that one continues this path. Becoming a millionaire is not a big deal, but continuing this path till one reaches one’s death or goal is of course the greatest achievement in this world.    

In the next part, I will share my great experience with this child.

After taking all the necessary things, we all went to the hospital where I used to go for the regular check-ups.  The main doctor of the hospital had gone out of the city hence another doctor completed the initial formalities. But, do not know why her behavior was not good. She was so rough in checking the condition of my pain that I made up my mind not to have delivery with her hands. Though everything was fine with me and my child was safe inside my stomach, just after initial check up she told us to prepare for the cesarean. I became upset on her remarks. Also, she started frightening us and forcing for the cesarean. I remembered a dream in which whatever I saw was happening to me that day. I was just tallying my dream to the reality. Probably I am wrong in this way but most of the times my dreams have become true. I told my family members that when everything was ok, no need to panic. We should wait for the right time. Even more, my pain was not intense.  

As I have already mentioned in my previous blog that through Internet and other means I had acquired enough knowledge about how to take care of pregnancy and the delivery. It has been observed in most of the cases when the delivery due date approaches, the pain starts after every half an hour. And slowly the pain interval reduces and it occurs after every 10 minutes or so. That is the stage when child comes in the lower abdomen and the delivery can happen anytime.

In my case, my pain was not so frequent; it was there after every 30-40 minutes. Hence I convinced my family members to visit some other hospital. My husband quickly enquired about that and got the reference of Fernandes hospital in Hyderabad. It is near to Koti and about 10 Kilometers away from my place. My husband talked to the doctor for the release. Though she was not agreeing for that I directly denied to stay in that hospital. At last..oh.. we came out of that place. I was so happy, not feeling the pain even.

By this time, it was evening and we all hired an auto and went to Fernandes. For two days I was there under pain. When my pain was frequent, I was taken to the delivery room. The doctor gave me injection for creating the induced pain since the child was in the upper abdomen only. Slowly it started coming down and in the morning by six o’clock I delivered a baby girl. The doctors kept the baby on my stomach for few seconds and then took her for cleaning. The only word that I spoke was ’Jai Gurudev ’. I give this credit to my Gurudev Sri Sri Ravishankarji, the founder of the Art of Living, because of HIM I was able to bear that pain and come out of that deathlike situation.

I was getting some relief viewing the Jesus crucified picture that was there on the opposite wall of my labor bed.  It was for few seconds when the pain was unbearable and then the next moment everything used to be normal. I was in sleep the next moment. This continued the whole night. Whole night, I was remembering God Jesus and His sacrifices for His followers. His sufferings at the cross, still he did not have any ill feelings towards anyone.

It is said that becoming a mother is like getting a new life altogether.  It is the most happiest and desirable moment for almost all the married women and so was for me.  I got married on 5^th of December, 2005 and conceived just after three months. That day is an unforgettable day in my life. I was getting pain in my left abdomen while sitting or standing, so doctor prescribed me some medicines and advised to be slow while sitting and standing. She advised me many other things as well such as not lifting the heavy things, walking slowly, not to climb steps fast, eat healthy diet, and take proper rest and so on.

It was the third month of my pregnancy when I started feeling week due to my morning sickness and office work. Then I decided to quit my job in order to provide the proper rest to my physical body. During this time, I had to perform a ritual according to our community that is supposed to be done after a girl gets married. I went to my native place for this ritual and stayed there for the complete duration of this ritual which was for two weeks long.  Since I have completed my higher education after my 10^th class staying in hostels in different places during my studies, whenever I visit my hometown, I do visit almost all my friends and relatives except some of my friends who moved out to some other places. That is the place where I lived my childhood with many sweet and sour memories. As usual, as it happens during that age, even I had few of my friends whose likings got turned into love and we could not realize them until it reached to the extreme.

I returned to Hyderabad where I and my husband stay all alone in a rented flat. Morning when my husband used to leave for his office, I was spending my time in writing articles, my experiences on daily basis, surfing net for the information to take care of my pregnancy, taking rest and most importantly in Yoga and Meditation.  One of the Art of Living senior teachers taught me some of the exercises to make my body prepare for the normal delivery.  So it was my daily routine to wake up early in the morning and after taking bath practice those exercises and then sit for the meditation. Sometimes I used to meditate my own as per the process learnt during the Art of Living course or else I used to play some of the guided meditation or slow music cassettes. During that time, I could really feel the movement of my baby according to the music played. It was amazing!! indescribable!!.

Though the Internet was a great friend to me during all these days of my pregnancy, certain doubts were not clearly answered. We had many questions regarding our sexual life which required the solutions from the doctor but asking such questions was bit difficult for me initially. But later on, I was comfortable in posing any questions to my doctor. That’s why probably it is said that a woman becomes complete after she becomes a mother. A woman becomes so responsible and bold that she can face any situation without any hesitation.  That might be the reason why all Goddesses in Hindu scriptures are adored in the form of mother. Mother’s name comes even before father’s name  as she is the first guru of any person.

Continues in the next part…….

Basara is around 200 Kilometers away from Hyderabad and the transport facility is available via road and rail both. There are many buses that run after every half an hour from Secunderabad to Nizamabad. From Nizamabad, Basara is very near with several transport vehicles. If you have your own vehicle, you can enjoy even that journey.

We started our journey on 27th of March, on Ugadi day, in the afternoon after celebrating Ugadi at home. From our place, we caught the MMTS to Secunderbad. And from Secunderabad, we aboard the Devagiri express at 1 PM. By 1:30 PM, the train started running. My husband, my daughter Nandini (2 year 3 months old) and I were enjoying the journey. Meanwhile, I saw a person standing in the boggie and looking at me. After few minutes, I recognized that person that he is our Yoga teacher. I wished him and introduced my daughter and husband to him. After the conversation I came to know that he was travelling to his home town Nizamabad with his wife. When our yoga teacher went to his seat, my husband smiled and told me that my yoga teacher was looking at me from long time as if he knew me. Since I was involved in playing with Nandini, could not see him.

After having little snacks which we had brought with us, my husband and Nandini slept, but I could not get the sleep since I was taking dips in my own imagination. While I was lost in my own world, do not know when I got the sleep and we reached Basara. One more surprising thing happened, when I saw yoga teacher in Basara. He told me that even he could not visit Basara before in spite of staying so near to this place, and hence this time he made up his mind to visit this place.

We reached Basara by 5:30 PM. From the station, we hired an auto and went to Godavari river to take the pious dips. I am unable to find any word to explain the experience I had during taking dips. I then realized why saints frequently visit to sacred places and take bath in holy rivers.

My heart stopped functioning, my mind stopped thinking, I was not me, totally lost. This kind of happiness and feelings could not be explained in anyways. This has to be experienced by oneself. This is the knowledge which no book, no master, no one can make us understand, that is my belief. No happiness is equivalent to that experience. I took seven dips, and every dip brought me the unique experience, that is still live to me when I close my eyes. I can correlate this incidence to the poem written by renowned Bihari poet Vidyapati, who was a great Shiva devotee. There is a saying that he was so much devoted that even Lord Shiva appeared to him and served him as a servant. He was from Mithilanchal (Madhubani district in Bihar), where Maithili is the spoken language, and he wrote his poems in this language. I take pride in quoting here that I got the privilege to take birth on this land.

In one of his poems, he writes praises for river Ganga.

“Ki karab jap tap jog dheyane, janam kritarath ek hi sanane.”

This means that his life got fruitful after taking only a single bath in Ganga. He does not require to do any japa (Chanting God’s name repeatedly for some ideal number of counts) and penance.

With all the gratitude and happiness, we came to the temple to have the Goddess vision. We reached to the temple at the time of Arati at 7 PM. There was a curtain since Poojaris were decorating the Goddess that time. We and many other people were waiting for opening of the curtain so as to have the gracious vision of the Goddess. And, the curtain was removed, I was just stunned. Whether it is a statue or Goddess herself is sitting there, I was mesmerized. After arati took prasad and went to a nearby restaurant to have dinner. Then, we found a lodge to spend night at Basara.

Next day morning, 3 AM we got up and were ready by 4 AM. We went to temple for Abhishekam and pooja. By 8 o’clock Aksharabhyasam started for children which took nearly one hour to get completed. After this sanskar, we visited Vyasa cave where saint performed his penance. Again came to Godavari river for my daughter’s kesa khandam and taking dips. Then we completed our lunch and returned to the Basara railway station. It was nice seeing many people at the station whom we had already met in the temple premise. Now it was the time to depart from Basra. Our train came on the platform by 4 PM and we all aboard and took our places in it. On the way, it was a great pleasure for us to see so many colorful peacocks, and other birds that we saw for the first time. By 10 PM we were at home. Taking all the pleasure and remembrance of Basara and the journey, we fell asleep after having dinner.

Yaa Kundendu tushaara haara-dhavalaa,

Yaa shubhra-vastra’avritha

Yaa veena-vara-danda-manditakara,

Yaa shwetha padma’asana

Yaa brahma’achyutha shankara prabhritibhir Devai-sadaa Vanditha

Saa Maam Paatu Saraswati Bhagavatee Nihshesha jaadyaa-pahaa.

“May Goddess Saraswati, who is fair like the jasmine-colored moon, and whose pure white garland is like frosty dew drops; who is adorned in radiant white attire, on whose beautiful arm rests the veena, and whose throne is a white lotus; who is surrounded and respected by the Gods, protect me. May you fully remove my lethargy, sluggishness, and ignorance.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saraswati_Vandana_Mantra